i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
my sisters under your porch take her home
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
