weddingsv make me drug and hornr
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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