ya dads aren't the best wingmen
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
