They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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