all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
