Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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