Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
