What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
