We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
