what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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