I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
thus making me awesome and them whores
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
