Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
