Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
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