i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
