She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
