by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I'm gonna fight the coyote
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
