You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
