Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
