Well douche your snatch and let's go!
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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