Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
