I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
