who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
