I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
