My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
