fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
