He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
