that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
