I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
She said her name was "party"
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
