All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
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