i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
