Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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