He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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