You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
