Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(860): View more from Connecticut

but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers

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(609): View more from New Jersey

Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win

Fav 43 951 4338
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(857): View more from Massachusetts

You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.

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(714): View more from California

You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.

Fav 10 2349 1051
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(604): View more from British Columbia

You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.

Fav 2 1074 1574
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(248): View more from Michigan

maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another

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(614): View more from Ohio

The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.

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(501): View more from Arkansas

I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.

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(913): View more from Kansas

I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.

Fav 1 28 41
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