I like to think it a success when the cops are called
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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