I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
