Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
