There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
