Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
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