Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
