So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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