He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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