Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
