He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Randomize
