Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
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