another moral hangover. fuck.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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