U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
