I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
