my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
