i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Randomize
