can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Can you repeat that, but with context?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
