i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
